What is this Feeling?
by Avagdu
Summary: Harry loves Oliver. But how does Oliver feel about Harry? Will they ever end up together, or will Harry stay miserable forever? Click the little link to find out!
1. Fantasies, Accidents and Secrets, Oh My!

**Title: **What is this Feeling?  
**Rated:** R for situations/language  
**Summary: **Harry loves Oliver. But how does Oliver feel about Harry? Will they ever end up together, or will Harry stay miserable forever? R&R Please!  
**Pairing: **HP/OW  
**Disclaimer: **Unfortunately, the souls of the characters belong to dear Jo. And the Rent song in this chapter isn't mine either sobs  
**A/N: **This is my firstfic,so ya, hopefully you like it, I tried my best to write it well. Let me mention that italics are thoughts, that should clear things up a little.Enjoy!

**Chapter 1: Fantasies, Accidents and Secrets, Oh My!**

_Hot, hot, hot, sweat, sweet  
Wet, wet, wet, red, heat  
Hot, hot, hot, sweat, sweet  
Wet, wet, wet, red, heat  
Please don't stop, please  
Please, don't stop, stop  
Stop, stop, stop, don't  
Please please please please  
Hot, hot, hot, sweat, sweet  
Wet, wet, wet, red, heat  
Sticky, lick, trickle, tickle  
Steamy, creamy, stroking, soaking  
Touch, taste, deep!  
Dark, kiss, beg!  
Slap, fear, thick!  
Harder, faster, wetter  
Sweat, sweet  
You whore!  
You cannibal!  
More!  
You animal  
Fluid, no, fluid, no, contact, yes  
No contact  
Fire, fire, burn, burn, yes!  
No latex, rubber, rubber,  
Fire, latex, rubber, latex, bummer  
Lover, bummer _

"Potter, watch out!"

**_

* * *

_**

Harry woke up with a sharp pain in the back of his head. He opened his eyes and the first thing he saw was the Gryffindor Quidditch Captain hovering over him, staring.

"Oh, praise Merlin, you're awake!"

Harry sat up and saw the rest of the team around him.  
_  
Where am I? _thought Harry.

He looked around and noticed the hideous curtains drawn around them.

_The Hospital Wing again...great. How is it I end up in here every other week of term? _

"Umm...can someone tell me what's happened?"

"You weren't paying attention...again..." said Oliver Wood with that accent Harry found so sexy.

Since the beginning of his third year (now in his fourth), he had developed a cute crush on Wood. More recently his admiring wasn't being concealed too well and he started drifting off to fantasies during Quidditch practices.

He was now remember the fantasy he had been having during that day's practice.

_Oh, how I wish that was reality, _thought Harry, _and no matter how much I like them and want to keep them coming, they keep popping up at horrible times, I need to try and control my urges. _

Harry had no doubt in his mind that he was in love with the boy standing over him. But, he was so much older, 3 years older than himself exactly, not to mention he was in his last year at Hogwarts and would be off soon. Plus, what would he see in himself, sure he was famous, but he want him to see _Harry_ not _The-Boy-Who-Lived._

"You got that Potter?" said Wood.

Harry's trance was broken, he had not taken in a single word of whatever had just been said to him.

"Umm...no?"

Wood sighed. "Exactly. I said you need to _pay more attention_ Potter. All these mistakes are not going to help us win the Quidditch Cup!"

Harry blushed a bright red. At that time, Madam Pomfrey and Professor McGonagoll walked inside the curtained area around Harry's bed.

"Only five visitors at a time!" screamed Poppy. The whole of the Quidditch team went to leave, McGonagoll called out though,

"Wood, wait up, I'd like a word with you after I speak with Potter here."

Harry watched Oliver stop as McGonagoll and Poppy walked up to Harry.

"How's your head Potter?" asked Madam Pomfrey.

"Umm...it hurts. Can I find out what happened? I didn't get the story before you came in." Even though Harry had a rough idea, he still asked.

"You lost attention...again...and Fred and George were messing around with bats trying to imitate trolls and they accidentally knocked bludger at you." said Wood, who looked away as McGonagoll glared at him.

"Always the Quidditch accidents with you Mr. Potter...Minerva you might want to consider getting someone else."

"NO!" spat Harry and Oliver together

"I'm going to have to agree with these two on this Poppy. Although, Mr. Wood shall make sure to take better care of the team. Can I speak to you, now?" said McGonagoll, in a tone that was demanding more than inquisitive.

Madam Pomfrey walked away to fetch Harry some medicine. She forgot to close the curtain behind her so he could still hear the faint talking of McGonagoll and Wood just outside the curtains.

"Sometimes Wood, I feel you care more about winning that damn Quidditch Cup than you do the safety of you fellow teamates, house members, and friends."

"That's not true professor! Sure I want to win the cup, especially this year, seeing as it's my last at Hogwarts, but still, I care about each and every member of my team. Obviously you want to win the cup too though, since you want to keep Potter - "

"I'm keeping Potter because he lives for Quidditch, it wouldn't be right to deprive him of it. He needs something to look forward to, he hasn't much of that in his life, what with He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named"

_So, this is what people say about me when they think I'm not listening, _thought Harry, a little frustrated.

"True, but, I care for my team, I do. I especially care for Potter, you and I both know that his safety is of a high priority - "

Madam Pomfrey reentered with the medicine, closing the curtains behind her. Wood and McGonagoll's voices were now drowned out entirely.

_Damn silencing charms on the curtains. I really needed to hear the end of that... _

"Ok Harry, drink this, it'll make your head feel better" said Poppy, now trying to shove the medicine down Harry's throat.

Harry took the drink from her to prevent the nurse from choking him with it. He gulped it all down and he fell asleep, the pain leaving his head finally.


	2. Impulsive Injuries

**Title: **What is this Feeling?  
**Rated:** R for language, some MAJOR language issues in this chapter:-P  
**Summary: **Harry loves Oliver. But how does Oliver feel about Harry? Will they ever end up together, or will Harry stay miserable forever? R&R Please!  
**Pairing: **HP/OW  
**Disclaimer: **Harry and pals are the creation of JK Rowling, not me, (

**Chapter 2: Impulsive Injuries**

Harry woke later that evening feeling better, but really groggy. He thought he was seeing things because Wood was once again by his side, waiting for him to wake from his slumber, again.

"Evening Potter" said Wood.

"Hi...umm...will you be hovering over me ever time I open my eyes here?"

"That depends, I mean, I do feel responsible for what happened, I should be watching over you more, plus, McGonagoll asked me to do it. And she's one fierce lady she is. No saying no to her."

Harry felt slightly disappointed at those last words. He wasn't there entirely on his own free will, and that's what he had gathered from his overheard discussion with Wood and McGonagoll before he drifted off. He decided to investigate some more.

"So, why did McGonagoll ask you to watch over me? And why do you feel responsible? It's not like you bashed the Bludger into my skull" he told himself to thank Fred and George later for this, he'd spent more time with Wood now than ever before in one period, even if his head was a little achy.

"Well, you are a part of my team, and McGonagoll's house, so we to watch out for your well-being. She seems to think I only care about the cup - which I don't - and so I told her you were of highest priority, so she told me to be here when you woke.

Harry felt an unsure feeling at these words, obviously if Wood somehow did manage to like him, he wouldn't go about saying it that openly. But, his explaination to all this felt extremely true. Still, he needed more information. Harry asked his next question, a little unsuringly, he wanted to know the answer, but was afraid of the outcome of it.

"Why am I a highest priority though?" said Harry, a tad over energetically.

"Well isn't it obvious Potter?" said Wood, in that sexy accent, making Harry feel like he was in heaven, "you're our saviour, you have to be the one to save our world from He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named."

Harry had seen this coming. He had hoped otherwise, but it appeared to be that way.

_Why does everyone have to see me as this saviour! This...this...Golden Boy! I hate it so fucking much! Why couldn't that damn curse have killed me? Blasted me to oblivion! I can't take this life anymore, I don't want to live this fucking life anymore! _

Harry slammed a wrist on the edge of the bed he was already leaning towards, and nearly toppled it, startling Wood. Harry couldn't hide his frustration so it showed on his face, which sparked Oliver to ask him,

"Is everything okay Harry?" Wood's voice sounded a little shakey, perhaps...scared? Harry had never seen Wood scared before, he didn't like the sight at all.

He saw Wood as a strong, sexy, manly man. One who could take anything, fight off any dangers, like when he wresteled that Bludger when he first showd Harry about Quidditch three years ago.

_Oh, how strong he look, and how sexy, down on the ground wiggling around on the grass trying to stop the Bludger, and that ass - _

"Potter are you sure you're alright? First you nearly topple the bed, and now you're...drooling?"

"Oh, am I?" Harry looked in the mirror and saw the messy drool hanging from his lip. He blushed a very bright red and wiped away the disgusting slobber.

_I really need to watch what I think...and to stop tangenting! _

"Ya, I'm okay...just thinking, thanks for being here though."

"No problem Potter," said Wood, the tension from Harry's anger before finally leaving the room, "Now, I really think you are having some sort of attention problems, you sure you don't have -"

"Oliver, my mental health is fine, my thoughts are taking over me right now though, and I start loosing focus..."

"Is it about You-Know-Who?" said Oliver, in an almost whisper.

"No! It's Not!" said Harry very angrily, and then, impulsively, he began shouting again, "Does everything I do in my life have to be about that fucking prick! I do have a normal fucking life too, with normal fucking problems! Did it ever occur to people I might think normal fucking things, like anybody else! That I might be thinking about important things to me, like maybe, you!"

"Of course - wait, what! You were thinking what?"

_Omg! I'm an idiot! I didn't just say that, did I? Please tell me I'm dreaming? Please! _

"Umm...nothing?" said Harry nervously.

"No, you definately said something..."

_Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck! _

Harry pushed his sheets off as Madam Pomfrey walked up and began to ask about the screaming, only now Harry was up and already running past her.

"Where do you think you're - "

But Harry was already outside the doors and running down the stairs.


	3. Emotional Damage Leaves Scars Too

**Title: **What is this Feeling?  
**Rated:** R for situations/language  
**Summary: **Harry loves Oliver. But how does Oliver feel about Harry? Will they ever end up together, or will Harry stay miserable forever? R&R Please!  
**Pairing: **HP/OW  
**Disclaimer: **Characters came from the genius mind of Rowling, not myself unfortunately.

**Chapter 3: Emotion Damage Leaves Scars Too **

A small muttered _Diffindo_ could be heard coming out a vent in the hallway directly outside Moaning Myrtle's bathroom. Wood couldn't make out who said it but was all the same curious. He wished he could walk inside and go look but he had two things preventing that. First, he had to find Harry now, and the second coincided with that, seeing as Harry couldn't have been there, it was a girl's bathroom. He ran down the staircase to search the Great Hall and grounds to the school.

* * *

"_Diffindo_" muttered Harry, sitting on the toilet seat in a stall in Myrtle's bathroom. He was beginning to cry. 

_How could I have done that!_ thought Harry _Why? My life is ruined even more now. Why live! _

Harry rolled up his sleeve again and placed the tip of his wand on his paled skin.

"_Diffindo_" said Harry again, moving his wand rapidly across his arm, creating a very deep, violent slash. Blood began to ooze down his arm and wand as the tears on his face continued streaming down Harry's face. The first of many tears rolled off his chin and onto the cut, burning his skin as he pulled the wand away and placed it on his wrist.

* * *

Oliver had searched the Great Hall, and everywhere on the grounds, including Hagrid's Hut and even Harry' favorite tree for him, but no luck. No one had seen him in a while, since the morning, right before their Quidditch practice. 

He began to make his way up to Gryffindor Tower to see if maybe he had run back upstairs. Passing Myrtle's bathroom again, he heard the same strange voice as before. This time, his curiousity got the better of him and he quickly and quietly slipped inside, unnoticed, to take a look.

The ground inside was wet and slippery and Oliver nearly fell multiple times and was afraid whoever it was inside had heard him. He turned the corner and faced the many lined stalls.

From his view he could see every stall but none showed and signs of an occupant. He was torn. Reveal himself to find anyone or leave unsatisfied. He thought for a moment, and suddenly, he slipped. After recoverying, he ran behind a very large, bulging sink.

_Well, I guess that decided for me, huh? At least I don't have to reveal myself, hopefully they show themselves though, _thought Oliver. He peered out just slightly, hoping to glimpse whoever was in the stall.

Some small movement could be seen from the center stall, and a small, bright green eye poked out from the little slit in the stall between the door and the wall. He had found Harry.

* * *

Harry heard someone enter the bathroom. His immediate reaction was to lift his legs off the ground so he could not be seen from outside. He removed his wand from the place on his wrist, and sat quietly, barely breathing. 

He heard whoever it was slip a few times and then a loud thud, then everything, all the movement, just seized. Harry was curious what had happened and pressed his eye to that tiny slit in the stall. Noone was visible, he figured they had left or were hiding around the corner. He was done here, so he got up and made to leave, cautiously, as not to be seen. But, as soon as he stepped out, a figure emerged from behind a sink.

"Harry?"

"Oliver, what are you doing - "

" - I could ask you the very same thing..."

"Well...you first." said Harry, anxious to know, yet trying to buy time so he wouldn't have to explain why he was there, or at least create an excuse.

"Well, I went looking for you, searched everywhere, I was on my way back to the Gryffindor tower when...I had to use the bathroom. Yup, just couldn't hold it any longer, so I rushed in here, and slipped." lied Oliver, wanting things to unfold before he declared his real reason, "and yourself?"

Nothing had come to Harry, so he just made up the lamest excuse imaginable.

"Well, I ran down here to hide...and...studying, hoping things might dying down a bit while I did"

"Potter, why do you look like you've been crying recently? And by the way, I know you just lied to me. Everything you said was audible outside. It's called ventilation."

_Shit! He heard! _

"Whatdya mean? I was just studying and hiding...that's all..."

"Really? And would you care to show me your arm Harry?"

"What? My arm? Why?"

_Fuck, he can't see! _

"I heard the cutting charm, twice actually, now show me your arm."

"I was just cutting a page - "

" - Well then, you should have no problem at all showing me your arm, hmm...?"

Harry thought quickly, and concluded that he was not getting away without showing Oliver his arm, or attacking him, and he was not going to attack him.

He lifted up his sleeve. Oliver gaped as he saw the horrid picture of freshly bleeding, very deep cuts.

**A/N: **Sorry if this chapter was a little slow moving and short, and pissed some people off,please don't kill me! But it's pretty much essential to happen to push the story. Trust me. And sorry for all the POV changes, it created a nice effect, I thought so anyway.


	4. Peacing Things Together

**Title: **What is this Feeling?  
**Rated:** R for situations/language  
**Summary: **Harry loves Oliver. But how does Oliver feel about Harry? Will they ever end up together, or will Harry stay miserable forever?  
**Pairing: **HP/OW  
**Disclaimer: **Characters Rowling. She created them, not me. Why? Boo...  
**A/N:** Sorry this took ages, life is like a chaotic mess right now, I do way too much in my life, and so it's all going on and ya, pretty much, craziness. But do know that I think about this all the time and am trying to get it done. Not to mention, my best friends who read them are hounding me every day. So ya, here's this chapter, hopefully more to come soon. Now, on to something about this chapter.I hope you realize by now that italics are thoughts, kthxbye

**Chapter 4: Peacing Things Together**

The next few days went by and Harry couldn't bare to face Oliver. This kinda of worked out though, because Oliver was too disgusted with Harry to meet his eyes. Harry had even skipped that week's Quidditch practice because of it, which was going on right now. Instead, he sat alone in his favorite chair in the commonroom thinking about everything that had happened recently.

_How could I have let things go that far? Why would I do that? I'm such an idiot, and Oliver will probably hate me forever. Uggh, such an idiot, bleh!_

* * *

Meanwhile... 

On the Quidditch field, Oliver was so unfocused he had already let in over half the goals shot at him. He was so angry with Potter, who hadn't even shown. He understood why he didn't come though, he would have been strangled then. But even through all his frustration with the boy,he had to try to figure out why Harry would be stupid enough as to try to kill himself.

"Guys, we're done for today."

"But Wood, the first match against Slytherin is next week, we can't stop now! We've only been practicing for 10 minutes." repliedKatie Bell.

"And did you notice that in thoseten minutes I let ineight goals? Today is not the day to be practicing. Plus, we're missing our Seeker," Wood couldn't use his name for fear of snarling it, "Now, everyone to the change room."

No one argued this time, now everyone landed and walked towards the change room. The other members of the team were whispering to one another as Oliver trailed behind them. They entered the change room, all except Oliver who went up into the stands.

He went to the top and sat down on the bleachers. He needed to think, away from all the distractions of the school, and what better place then here? A place he loved being and free from everyone.

_So let's figure this out_ Oliver thought to himself, _let's look back. I found him, in a bathroom, trying to kill himself, that's all fresh in my mind. All that blood...how could he do that to himself! He's such an idiot...I'm straying off topic!  
_

_But why was he? What had led him there, I can't remember. I can understand him not wanting to be here, he's probably ashamed of himself and realizes I'm livid with him - _

"Wait!" exclaimed Oliver, accidentally out loud.

_That's the answer! I remember now! He ran out on me at the Hospital Wing because he was mad, but what had caused him to get that mad? Think Oliver think! _continued Oliver in his thoughts, quite ironically.

_Ok so, replay. McGonagoll had come in after the accident...and she made me stay for him to wake up. That much I remember. But what happened when he woke up? To cause him to run out? To cause him to cut himself? To cause him to skip practice? To cause him to avoid -_

_Oh my God. ME! That's it! The answer! It's me! He mentioned something about me...but what was it? And it's significance? All I know was he obviously didn't mean to say it...wait...could it be that he -_

"Hi Oliver..." said a very familiar raven haired boy. He broke Oliver from his thinking trance, making him lose his idea midthought.

Harry looked very nervous, probably from confronting Oliver for the first time since their unexpected meeting in the bathroom that day...

"What do you want Potter?" said Oliver pretty nastily. Harry frowned and recoiled a little bit and went to open his mouth, but stopped, thought for a minute, and started again.

"I came to apologize...:"

"For what?" spat Wood, "You're the one hurting yourself, don't apologize to **me** for what **you're** doing!"

"Ya well, I'm through with that, stupid idea I don't even know what made me do it! And I'm also apologizing for missing practice, or what was supposed to be practice...why'd you cancel?"

"I was fucking pissed at you, and that's the brutal honesty, but deal." Harry looked down, clearly at a lose for words, Oliver began again.

"So, anything else you want to say?"

"I was hoping to make peace with you, it's not fun missing practice or having to constantly avoid you."

"What makes you think I want any association with you?"

"You need a Seeker, no?"

"There are other people in our house" said Wood with a yawn, trying to indicate that his reasons weren't adequate for him.

"Well then, if you don't want to see me, I'll leave..."

Harry lifted his foot to begin down the stadium bleachers when a long hand grabbed his shoulder and turned him.

Oliver realized he wasn't getting anywhere by letting him run off and he needed answers, so putting on the biggest smile he could possibly fake to look realistic, he said

"Well, we do need our good Seeker for Slytherin, plus I'm tired of being angry," lied Oliver, but very convincingly, "I forgive you."

"Really?"exclaimed Harry, almost tumbling down the bleachers. Oliver caught him fortunately.

"Careful, we just got you back out of the hospital, you're not going back." laughed Oliver

Harry chuckled and then a light rain began to fall.

"Best we get inside, shall we?" said Harry hopingly.

"Let's, but first, I need to change, go wait at the bottom of the stands, I'll be right out."

Oliver went into the change room, and Harry stood out there, secretely wishing he could be in there watching him change.Oliver was back outside in his robes quickly though, andhe walked up to Harry, who smiled.

They began to walk back to the school in silence. They reached the main section of the castle, in an area with no one around, and Oliver, with a wicked grin, randomly asked Harry a question.

"So, what about me were you thinking when we were in the Hospital Wing?"


	5. Is Anger Contagious?

**Title: **What is this Feeling?  
**Rated:** R for situations/language  
**Summary: **Harry loves Oliver. But how does Oliver feel about Harry? Will they ever end up together, or will Harry stay miserable forever? R&R Please!  
**Pairing: **HP/OW  
**Disclaimer: **And in a twist of reality, the characters became mine! YES! Hehehe, the books will have some changes now, MUHAHAHAHAHA. Haha, don't I wish. (  
**A/N:** There'll be more at the end of this, but let me say sorry for taking forever, but I promise I'm sticking with this fic til the end, no matter how long it takes! You WILL see the end of this story!

**Chapter 5: Is Anger Contagious?**

"So, what about me were you thinking when we were in the Hospital Wing?"

"Umm...when did I mention I was thinking about you?" said Harry, trying his best to hide the fact he knew he had. He couldn't tell this to Oliver, it'd ruin all the progress they'd just made, or all the progress he thought they'd just made anyway.

"Potter, you damn well know what I'm talking about, now spill it"

Harry blushed and thought for a moment. He wasn't getting out of this, he knew it. Why did he always get cornered into bad situations around him?

"Do you honestly want the answer to that...?"

"Why else would I have asked?" replied Wood, rolling his eyes. Now he knew Potter was just stalling for time, and he was one of the most impatient people you will ever meet during your existance.

"Because...I don't know." Harry blushed a scarlet, Weasley red again, "well the answer is because...well...because...Iloveyou!" The last few words came out quickly and undecipherably in a mosh of words as he tried to just get it over with.

"You what?"

"I - love - you" said Harry, clearly annunciating each word this time, what made him do it, he had no idea, he hadn't wanted to mumble it in the first place. He stopped walking now and faced Oliver, though very fearful of what he might see.

"Ya I _heard_ you, I just can't believe - "

And the end of that sentance was lost to uncleargrunts and mumblesas Harry threw himself at Oliver and placed his lips on Oliver's.

Harry took advantage of the fact Oliver had been in midsentance and immediately thrust his tongue into Oliver's mouth, trying to get in whatever of this pleasureful feeling he could before Oliver could comprehend what was going and. And, it was a few seconds before Oliver registered what had happened and he pushed Harry off, looking shocked and furious with him.

"Who the fuck do you think you are Potter?"

Harry blushed and was ready to run off again but Oliver shoved a finger into his chest as he yelled again.

"You have no right! What if someone had seen that!" said Oliver, continually driving his finger into Harry's chest. Harry moved backwards ever time as Oliver kept advancing on him. Harry's breathing became heavy and he was trembling, he had never seen Wood this mad, not even when they lost important matches.

"I shall tell you, I - am - not - queer!" said Oliver, annuciating the words as clearly as Harry had earlier. "I do not want to see your face, don't come to practice and continue to avoid me because I will not tolerate you anymore!"

Tears were welling up in Harry's eyes just as rapidly as anger had come to Oliver. Harry was now against one of the walls. Oliver was standing over him. Normally, Harry would have found every minute of this position amusing, but now he was too frightened and upset to even care.

"Now, go!"

Harry began to run off towards the direction of Gryffindor Tower, but when he was a somewhat safe distance away, he turned back and looked at Oliver standing there angrily.

Tears were now streaming down Harry's face, but he continued to just stand there, staring back at his love.

'Well Potter, beat it! I said I don't want to see you anymore. I meant that! GO!"

"Oliver...fuck off. I can't believe you, I'm sorry for kissing you, it was impulsive, and it happened. But, do you have to be such an ass about it? This isn't worth my time!"

Harry turned around and began to storm off in the direction he was going before.

"And where do you think you're going! You don't expect me to just ignore that - "

"No!" spat Harry, turning. "I expect that you listened to it, and would sit back and take it, because you said you didn't want to see me, no?"

Harry made to leave again, got a few steps and then heard Oliver call out,

"You little fucker, I'm not just taking that, now you listen - " Oliver seemed to be stomping his way over towards Harry now, but stopped as Harry spoke out again, in more of a scream than a spoken talk.

"I've done my share of listening!"Harry didn't even bother toturn this time.Anger filled his face "Now, goodbye."

"No don't you dare walk away on me like that - "

"I said I'm done! You don't want me here, I'm leaving! Good fucking day to you!"

With that, Harry stormed off, down the hallway, out of sight, and up towards Gryffindor Tower.

**A/N: **Don't hate me! I realize this is short and rather...annoying. But, trust me, after you get all the troubles and all that out of the way. I SWEAR you'll get your love, I promise! So don't kill me yet! Runs away as readers start lighting torches and grabbing pitchforks


	6. Will I?

**Title: **What is this Feeling?  
**Rated:** R for situations/language  
**Summary: **Harry loves Oliver. But how does Oliver feel about Harry? Will they ever end up together, or will Harry stay miserable forever? R&R Please!  
**Pairing: **HP/OW  
**Disclaimer: **Blah blah blah, not mine, you know the deal, bleh.  
**A/N: **Don't kill me for not having them together yet! Oh, and umm...some OOCness, sorry, but it really sets up what I need going on, so in the end it's actually really important, hehe, don't you wish you knew. Also at the same time I wasmocking the relationship I have with my best friend, haha.So if the chapter seems utterely pointless, you now know it's not, and it's important.And so sorry it took me like 8347569234876938476 years to get this up, life is insanely crazy right now. But every day I think of you and the story.So no worries, it'll be done, I promise! Thanks for sticking with me.

**Chapter 6: Will I...? **

Tears were streaming down his face. They hadn't stopped since he walked away, earning him some very interesting looks from peers, and some jeering and pointing from the Slytherins. He honestly couldn't care what anyone thought of him anymore, he knew that he was hurt, and that there was a problem, that's all that mattered to him right now.

He arrived at the portrait of the Fat Lady and muttered the password through tears and walked inside. Inside the common room Harry found only one person, and fortunately for him, it was the only one person he actually wanted to see, the one person he knew he could talk to.

Harry noisely made his way over to the bushy haired girl who was sitting in a chair by the fireplace. Obviously having heard him, she looked up from the book she was reading and starred and long and heartfelt stare.

"Her...her...mion...ne" said Harry through gasps and tears.

"Hush. Let's get you out of here and to a better place, and in a more comfortable and relaxed condition, off to the Room of Requirement."

Ever since mysteriously stumbling upon the secret of this room last year when trying to escape a rampaging Sniggaloof, they had been using it for all sorts of things. Now seemed as good a time as any.

Harry walked off first, followed extremely and uncomfortably closely by Hermione. Even though all this was going on, he was glad it had been Hermione he had found. He wasn't capable of explaining himself to Ron, first he was totally clueless when it comes to anything dealing with emotions, and second, Ron had no knowledge of Harry's gay-ousity. Ron was too homophobic, there was no way he could know, not if Harry was going to lose him as a friend, and he couldn't deal with that.

They walked the halls to the room, and ended up being unseen which worked out perfectly for all parties. They stood at the wall, and Harry had calmed down a bit on the walk there, but Hermione still wasn't sure. She refused to let Harry summon the door because of it, and proceeded to walk the patch of wall 3 times until the door appeared.

Inside the room, Harry noticed the fireplace burning away in the wall to the far right. Before that was a long red sofa with a small red pillow with golden embrodiary. To the left of that was a similar color armchair, and a table in the center of it all, it was a small cozy room in general.

"Hermione..."

"What?"

"Was it totally necessary to make it look like a muggle therapist's office?"

"Yes, it was." Hermione wore one of her all-knowing smiles. The kind that Harry, and almost everyone else, hated with a passion.

"Whatever then"

"Now, lie down and talk to me" said Hermione assertively.

Harry opened his mouth, clearly about to argue, but Hermione stood there and pointed to the sofa. Harry trudged over there and layed down unwillingly.

"So..." Hermione was practically begging to know what was going on.

"Well...it's Oliver..." Harry heavily sighed.

"Oh dear...and? Is it just emotional pain or is it like actually his fault this time?

"It's directly him..."

"Oh...explain what happened?"

"Well, I'd rather not get into it..."

"Harry, don't you dare! Explain it to me now." Hermoine's eyes glared as she declared this in a motherly tone.

"'Mione, I'll be fine, really, I'd rather not..." He stepped up to go leave and Hermione, unknowingly to Harry, charmed the door shut mouthlessly.

"You're not leaving this room."

"Watch me!" Harry went to turn the doorknob and it didn't budge. He picked up his wand and muttered the incantation to open it, but it still didn't budge.

"Hermione! Let me out!"

"I said you're not leaving, sit now."

Harry went back to the sofa and lied down again.

"Now, explain"

"Who said I planned to explain anything...?" He shifted his position on the couch, now facing the back of the couch, face, and whole body, away from Hermione. "I'm going to rest, leave me alone."

"Harry! You're being a stubborn little brat!"

"Gee, thanks mom!"

"Harry, I'm only trying to help you..." Slowly, tears were coming to her eyes. She was so hurt by Harry closing her out, she thought that she wasn't good enough for him any more. "I can't help you if you don't let me, you talk to me about everything, so why not now?"

"I'm tired of relying on other people, and I'd rather no relive the whole situation anyway. Please Hermione, not now, not today, I just need to be alone and think."

"Then why bother even coming to me?"

"I thought I wanted your help, but I realize I have to learn to be independant. I appreciate you calming me down, but I need some alone time now, to sort things out."

Harry turned back towards Hermione and saw the tears streaming down her cheeks. He couldn't believe he was making her cry, he never realized he meant that much to her, and he had definately not had the intentions to make her cry.

"Hermione, don't cry, please don't cry, I'm not worth your tears, I - "

"Harry stop! You are! You don't understand how much I care about you. You're hurting me by not trusting me and I love you Harry, you're like a brother to me, I just care about you so much that it hurts me.

It was now Harry's turn to cry, for multiple reasons. For having hurt Hermione and making her cry, he cried tears of hate for himself, and for her kind words about and towards him, he cried tears of joy.

"Hermione, I do trust you, you know I do, but I just, I don't want to talk about it right now, it hurts and I want to deal with it alone or just try to forget about it all."

"Forgetting will never work, you know it, I can tell by your voice, the best way would be to talk to me Harry, you'll feel a lot better."

"I don't want to cause you more grief, I rely on you for everything, it's time to trust myself, to deal, who knows when things will change between us and I don't have someone, what would I do then? Just leave me be to think...please Hermione, please."

"But, know I'll always be here for you Harry, always. Like I said, I love you, you're so important to me."

"I know, but I just need this time to myself. Go back to the dormitories for now, and I will tell you it all later, ok?" He was clearly lying through his teeth, but Hermione was too ecstatic by this news to notice it.

"Ok Harry" And with that, she darted out the door, leaving Harry to his solitude.

Harry lay there, thinking about everything that just happened, everything that had gone on with Oliver recentely, and just, anything and everything in general.

He couldn't help but think how slowly, this guy, just one guy, was ruining his entire life. He had snapped at Hermione, he was hurting himself, physically and emotionally, he had apparently hurt Oliver, who knows why, and who knows what would be next. And the last thought on his mind before he somehow managed to drift to an accidental sleep was,

_When will it mean that it's the end and I'm alone...?_


	7. Rational Realization

**Title: **What is this Feeling?  
**Rated:** R for situations/language  
**Summary: **Harry loves Oliver. But how does Oliver feel about Harry? Will they ever end up together, or will Harry stay miserable forever? R&R Please!  
**Pairing: **HP/OW, very, very, very brief mentions of CD/DM  
**Disclaimer: **AND...the characters still belong to JK Rowling because she rocks, unlike me.  
**A/N: **I hope you like this chapter, I think you will. Hopefully anyway, but who knows, maybe I can't predict things for me life. And just as a reminder, italics are thoughts because I'm too lazy to do anything else with them, lol. Oh, and btw, the overuse of the word queer is because I couldn't bring myself to use the word fag because it's too offensive I think. So ya, there's the reason behind it. Blah, stop reading this now and start reading the chapter because I'm shutting up. I mean it, read! (Oh, btw, the alliteration came back, hopefully only for this chapter though, lol.)

**Chapter 7: Rational Realization **

Oliver stood where he had been for 5 more minutes after the incident involving Harry had occured. He didn't know what to think or feel right now. Being angrier took too much energy and so he just sat down on a nearby bench and tried to cool down.

_Think calm, comforting things Oliver. Think of Quidditch or licorice wands. _

Unfortunately, telling himself to think these things did absolutely nothing for him. He had in fact calmed down a bit, perhaps just sitting did it. But, obviously, the only thing on his mind was the mishap with Harry not too long ago.

_Potter can really be too much sometimes, he makes me so angry. _

The images started to come back to him and he saw Potter kissing him again.

_Why did he have to go and do that? He thinks too much with his cock, that's why. But what if someone had seen? That would've been disaster. _

But no one had seen he confirmed with himself, so why the fuck was he so angry over it all?

_Because I'm not queer_

He continued to tell himself that and stuck to it. He pushed his anger aside for the time being, he needed to remain calm. Without the anger though, he came to a realization, that the whole thing wasn't that bad at all.

_No. don't even think that. Why am I thinking that! I'm definately not gay. No. No way. _

Oliver tried convincing himself but kept thinking how satisfying and pleasant that kiss really had been.

_Why do I do this to myself? Is it just I feel bad for him? Ya, that must be it. It has to be, I know it. _

No. That couldn't be true because his emotions were telling him otherwise. He physically enjoyed that brief moment in time when the other boy's lips met his own. His denying it was a futile attempt compared to the teenage hormones telling him otherwise.

_But..why? Why do I like this? I can't be gay, I just...can't. _

Oliver wouldn't let go of this thought over the whole of the next day. He was haunted by the fact he was even just having the thought. The day he sulked about even though it was a brilliant Sunday morning and he had nothing to do. He was asked by multiple people if he was feeling alright, to which he just shrugged off.

Oliver walked his way up to the Gryffindor Common room, but there were far too many studying people for his comfort. He went up to his dorm floor and foudn, to his relief, no one there. He layed down and just starred blankly out the window for a while, just watching life go by.

An owl suddenly crashed into the window and broke his comfort of just starring into nothingness. He turned off his side onto his back, starred up at the top drapery of his bed and began to think again.

_I'm a freak. It's as simple as that. I wouldn't think about this if I wasn't queer, and being queer is being a freak. Why is all this happening to me? I don't want this, I like girls! Bloody girls! The kind without the cocks! So then why the fuck can't I stop thinking about Potter and this! _

Oliver was getting angry again. He felt as though the room was getting hotter, but he didn't care, his thought continued on.

_Sometimes I can't stand these things. I don't want to be an outcast to the school. I like my popularity. I can't be gay. I'd be just another freak that everyone hates. This just isn't allowed to be so. So why can't I just leave it alone! _

Along with being angry, Oliver was also clearly upset about the entire mess, but he had no idea what to do. He had a big problem and he was just an emotional mess. The rest of the day went by just the same, thinking about how much of a wierdo he was, he couldn't get over it and realize that him being gay wasn't an actual problem.

That night he decided he needed to go down to dinner, he hadn't eaten much today. Surprisingly, he was able to think clearly like that, even if the room did start to spin a little, his indication he needed food. He went in, everyone was already there. He sat down, but very secludely, all alone, not usual of himself. He'd usually be in a crowd talking to like everyone he could.

This queer site caused some unrest in the entirety of the room. Everyone looked his way and talked and pointed, obviously talking about his isolation.

_So, this is what being an outcast is like. Well, it's not as terrible as I thought it'd be. Might as well get used to it, if I can't stop thinking these gay thoughts about Potter, then this - NO! I'm not! I won't let it happen! STOP THINKING IT!_

Then, unnoticed, Cedric Diggory came up behind Oliver, tapped him on the shoulder and then sat on the other side of him. Oliver looked in the wrong direction and then saw Cedric to his left.

"...That's so first year Cedric..."

"Oh come on, it was funny, you know it, so laugh. You look so unhappy here, smile a little."

Cedric put on a big goofy smile and Oliver slightly grinned at Cedric's stupid look. Cedric looked unsatisfied with the response he got, but settled all the same.

"So why so down?"

"It's a long confusing story that I'd rather not get into." Oliver looked back down at his dinner and began to gloomily pick at it.

"Oh come on, we talk about everything, it can't be that bad. I'm pretty understanding about things, you know that. I can handle nearly everything, I mean come on, I've seen Draco Malfoy naked for Merlin's sake!"

It then hit Oliver like a bludger to the head.

"Cedric, you're straight...right?"

"Mostly. Like 9:1 towards girls."

Oliver delged into his thoughts once more. Cedric's straight, mostly, and he had dated Draco last year. He had been 'experimenting', as he had put it, and how he had very little interest in guys.

_So, can't I be the same way? Maybe I'm not a freak after all, maybe I'm just curious. Ya, that's gotta be it. _

"Cedric, can I ask you something?"

"Sure, anything."

"What spurned you to liking guys? Or at least wanting to experiment with them?

"Quidditch. The locker room. Enough said?"

"Ya, I guess."

It was slightly different than Oliver's situation, but then again, he kidna figured it would be.

"Why all the questions? Is this what's making you feel crappy? Do you think you might be gay? Oooh, tell me, who's the guy!"

Oliver's thought process was broken. He hated Cedric's compulsive need for every bit of gossip in the school. By the end of the year he might explode from useless knowledge.

"Nevermind all that, but I think I might finally be ready to face all the problems I'm having."

Oliver noticed the people beginning to file out, he used this as his cue to leave. He excused himself from Cedric's company so he could find someplace quiet to briefly think a little more and make an important decision.

He walked out of the Great Hall, leaving a very unsatisfied Cedric behind. Making his way to the library, Cedric tried to look calm and not anxious. He knew if he was too excited the librarian would probably have a fit about letting him in, and he needed that place, it was probably perfect for quiet. Madam Pince was a bitch about that.

He got there and sat in one of the extremely comfy armchairs.

_Good, there's practically no one here. Now, thanks to Cedric, things are a lot clearer. I might not - no, I'm NOT gay. Potter just has me in a position of curiousity, that's all. _

_And Cedric dated a guy and is fine now, and he's still as popular as ever. So do I act on my curiousity or wait for it to dissappear? What to do? Well, no harm can come from it right? It can't hurt me, so what do I care? I guess I'll go find Potter then._

Oliver left the library nervously, more nervous than any Quidditch match had ever made him. Was he really about to go ask out a guy?


	8. Répète?

**Title: **What is this Feeling?  
**Rated:** R for situations/language  
**Summary: **Harry loves Oliver. But how does Oliver feel about Harry? Will they ever end up together, or will Harry stay miserable forever? R&R Please!  
**Pairing: **HP/OW  
**Disclaimer: **Everything is not mine. It's obvious by now who does actually own it  
**A/N: **Sorry for like...taking forever and more on this. Things got crazy busy and ya, my friend inspired me to start up agian. Not to mention it's like an escape from reality doing this. It helps me deal with things, so I should be able to do more of it because it's good for me. Anyway, now that time made me lose half my readers, I do hope you enjoy this (if anyone is reading, lol)

**Chapter 8: ...Répète?**

Up in the Gryffindor Common Room things were quiet, a few students studied, some played wizard's chess, and others, such as Ms. Hermione Granger, say staring out a window very blankly. This was an unusual site, and Harry knew something was wrong as he walked in on this abnormality.

_Oh no, what have I done to her? Why am I so stupid?!_

"Hermione...?"

"Oh, Harry, hi..." said Hermione, breaking from her unbounded realm of thought. "When'd you get here?"

"Just now." Harry averted his eyes from meeting Hermione's. "What're you doing here? You're so tranquil and...unoccupied. That's not like the obsessive-studing, cause-fighting girl I know."

"Ya well, maybe things change..."

"Hermione, I'm...I'm sorry. I'm not myself right now, Oliver's just...I don't know, he's ruining everything. But never again do I want anything to come between us, especially not some asshole guy."

"You...you mean that?"

"Of course I do! Hermione, you're a million times more important to me than him. I love you with all my heart, I couldn't ask for a better friend than you."

Harry was nearly toppled over as Hermione tackled him into a ginormous hug. The door to the common room opened at that time and in walked none other than Oliver Wood.

He took in the sites around him and his eyes found Harry for him. Disregarding the obviously noticeable sentimental moment, Oliver approached them.

Hermione was facing the direction Oliver was coming from and hugged Harry even harder while glaring at Oliver. Oliver continued onward though slightly more cautiously. Harry began to gag a little.

"Hermione, I know this is a sweet moment but you're choking me." He coughed a little and struggled to loosen her grip so he could breath.

"Oh I'm...I'm sorry" She let down her grip on him.

The end of restraint but Harry's continued struggle caused him to stumble backwards. He collided with something unseen but clearly human.

Harry balances himself out and hastily turns to apologize to the unseen being.

"Oh, I'm so -" Harry finally saw who it was. Oliver stood there befuddled and Hermione looked on worriedly.

"Hi Harry" said Oliver, clearly at a loss for words in such a delicate situation.

Having absolutely no desire to confront Oliver right now, Harry began to walk away in silence. However, Oliver had a goal here and had no intention of letting it get away.

"Wait up! I need to talk with you!" shouted Oliver and grabbed at Harry's arm to pause him.

"I have nothing more to say to you." And with that, Harry tugged his arm away and ascended the staircase in an angsty fit.

Oliver went to chase him but was stopped when a voice behind him said,

"Now's probably not the best time Oliver."

Oliver caught Hermione's eyes and realized that she wasn't just saying it. But none-the-less, Oliver retorted.

"There probably won't ever be a good time for this, but it's important and so..."

Oliver turned around and continued up the steps, determined to get this over with now before there could possibly be anymore drama.

He reached the floor Harry's dorm was on and was pleased to see he was the sole occupant of the room at the time. Oliver knocked to be polite, but didn't appreciate the response he recieved.

"Go away." Harry turned away from the door.

"It's important" Oliver began to enter the room.

"Just leave."

Oliver reached the bed and knelt down in front of Harry so that he could look him in the eyes. For the first time he noticed what a beautiful shade of green they were.

"Just hear me out, please?"

Harry didn't know what to do. He was livid with Oliver but at the same time couldn't help but want to be around him.

"You have two minutes."

"Ok, well. I've been thinking a lot lately. I've realized a lot about...well about a bunch of things, myself included. And I want to apologize for the way I acted the other day, it was wrong of me and well...I'm sorry."

Harry hated himself for loving this boy so much. He found he had no choice but to give in.

"Apology accepted. But is that really all you came here for?"

"Well...no." Oliver's voice was shaky and he couldn't help fidgetting. It was now or never. "I actually wanted to...I wanted to know, if maybe you'd like to...go with me to Madam Puddifoot's cafe next weekend on the Hogsmeade trip?...Maybe?"

Harry lost it here. It was one thing to apolofize but then to, on top of it, just mess with his emotions like that by doing this, it was beyond believeable.

"You can't be serious? After all that you expect me to believe you want to go on a date with me? You insulted me and hurt me but you expect that all of a sudden I'll just accept you actually like guys, despite the scene you made? You're utterly ridiculous!"

Harry got up and smacked Oliver, hard, across the face.

"How dare you play with my emotions like that! I can't even begin to...uggh!"

Oliver went to open his mouth but found he was too in shock to say anything. Harry marched out of the door and ran his way out the common room door, bewildering Hermione.

Oliver just say there holding his face, unsure of what his next move could, and should, possibly be.


	9. In The Arms Of A Friend

**Title: **What is this Feeling?  
**Rated:** R for situations/language  
**Summary: **Harry loves Oliver. But how does Oliver feel about Harry? Will they ever end up together, or will Harry stay miserable forever? R&R Please!  
**Pairing: **HP/OW  
**Disclaimer: **Blah, blah, blah. JKR is the only one who owns them and knows their actual destinies  
**A/N: **I figured since I made you guys wait forever (sorry!) because of my disgustingly busy life, that I'd post a second chapter to appease to you. Hopefully that means something and you'll keep reading! )

**Chapter 9: In The Arms of a Friend**

Oliver didn't know how to deal with the current Harry situation. It was all too confusing to him. So he did the only thing he knew he could trust on, which brought him to the Quidditch field.

He was lucky noone had booked the field for the day, he had the desire to just bash around the bludger. It always worked for him as a method of de-stressing.

So that's what he did. An hour went by in what seemed like minutes as he thought his Harry-related thoughts. Beating the bludger about really did seem to be effective, and he was about to call it quits when he realized the speeding ball was heading for someone he had clearly overlooked in the stands.

Racing towards it, Oliver prayed he'd make it there in time. As the faint person became closer he realized it was Cedric Diggory. A Cedric was blithely unaware of the fact that his head was about to become tenderized.

In a desperate attempt to save him, Oliver jumped from the broom and smashed the bludger away. He would remember to thank Madam Hooch later when he wasn't preoccupied or laying face-first in the stands.

"Oh, that was a close one, eh?" said Cedric.

"Totally, I mean, my face feels shattered but thank Merlin perfect Cedric is alright." Oliver rolled his eyes as Cedric helped him up.

"Point taken." The two had become close enough over the past few years that they knew snipes like that were in good, joking fun. It was just two best friends having a little bit of fun.

"Anyway," continued Cedric "why're you out here? It's not scheduled for Gryffindor practice."

"Well nor is it for Ravenclaw so I could ask you the same. How about we discuss this back in the castle...where it's warm." Oliver was shivering a little, not realize just how cold it was now that he wasn't in motion.

"Sure thing. Shall we head to the tower then?"

Due to the closeness between Oliver and Cedric, Cedric had spent a decent amount of his time in Gryffindor tower just passing time with Oliver.

"Umm...how about your dorm instead." Oliver felt he could confide in Cedric and really needed to let it all out. "I need to talk to you, in private, and Gryffindor tower isn't the best place to be right now."

"Ok then...off we go!"

Cedric was off in a hurry, pulling Oliver closely behind. He seemed excited at the aspect of spending the time with Oliver. Oliver just assumed he was thrilled at the opportunity to learn more gossip.

They arrived shortly and headed straight for Cedric's dorm. Luckily it was empty and so Cedric placed a silence and lock charm on the entrance to keep their conversation private. Oliver took the liberty of making himself comfortable.

"So why were you there?" asked Cedric, sitting beside Oliver on his own bed.

"I needed some alone time, to think. You know how calming Quidditch is to me. Now what about you?"

"I noticed you, wondered what was up. Glad I stayed, I almost left when you didn't notice me after _ages_." Cedric playfully punched Oliver.

"Sorry, my mind was preoccupied."

"Oh! With...?"

"Remember our conversation in the Great Hall?"

"Almost word-for-word."

"Typical you." He rolled his eyes again. Cedric stuck his tongue out at Oliver.

"Well anyway," Oliver continued "I kind of...have a thing...for...this boy."

"Oho! Let me guess...Harry Potter?"

"How'd you know?!" Oliver looked genuinely shocked and confused. Was he that readable with his emotions?

"He's only been crushing on you for ages. 'Bout time you realized it too. Aww, Oliver and Harry, how cute!" There was a hint of sadness detectable only in his eyes for his vocals remained unfaltered.

"Besides, Harry's drown to be quite the looked, hasn't he? Not to mention he has that whole mysterious heroic thing going for him."

"True..." Oliver began wanting Harry even more. But he suddenly had a moment of realization that shocked him. "Wait...I thought you barely liked boys? Why the rant about Harry's attractiveness?"

"Oh." Cedric seemed to be searching for a suitable answer but came up blank. "Well, so much for my cover."

"What'd'ya mean _your cover_?"

"I...umm...kinda lied to you." Cedric's face contorted to the point where he looked like a worried hyena. Oliver looked slightly angry but kept a calm voice.

"Why would you do that? I trusted you. I used that as a basis for myself. Why couldn't you just be honest?"

"Because. I didn't want you thinking I was or you might catch on to the fact that I want you, but I didn't want to jeopardize our friendship."

"I would never give up our fr - wait, what?"

This was the second time in less than a month that someone had just casually slipped in the fact that they liked him. And yet again he almost let it go unnoticed.

"Hey, at least I could finally be honest with you."

With that Cedric simply pressed his lips against Oliver's very tenderly, then pulled away. Oliver was in a bit of shock from both the words and the surprisingly nice feeling surging through him after that kiss.

"I'm sorry...I just...needed to do that." Cedric panicked for he worried he had just ruined one of the best things in his life.

"No...it's alright." And then Oliver leaned in to kiss Cedric. This kiss lasted slightly longer than the last and was more in depth with some usage of the tongue. They broke and Cedric spoke,

"I can't...this is wrong. I can't deny I want it but...what about our friendship? What about you and Harry?"

"There is no me and Harry, he's pissed at me. Our friendship will be fine, don't worry. Just shup up and kiss me."

Oliver was torn between whether this was him being upset at Harry or wanting to explore his curiousity. He wanted Harry but there was no use fighting something that was making him forget the drama and feel good at the same time.

Cedric wanted this more than anything in the world. The boy that now lay over him snogging him was his fantasy come true. Still, something felt wrong. But in this sea of bliss his worries were dissolved.

The passion erupted. Cedric couldn't take simply kissing any longer. he was succumbing to the lust of many years past. He simply said,

"Take me Oliver."

And with that, Oliver began to remove layers of clothing on both boys. This was the start of what would become one of the longest, most passionate nights of their lives.


	10. Do It Now or Forever Wish You Had

**Title: **What is this Feeling?  
**Rated:** R for situations/language  
**Summary: **Harry loves Oliver. But how does Oliver feel about Harry? Will they ever end up together, or will Harry stay miserable forever? R&R Please!  
**Pairing: **HP/OW and finally some visible HG/RW  
**Disclaimer: **Distinctly different than the actual ending...clue that I don't own it? I hope.  
**A/N: **So ya, I decided that I've been a terrible person for not being consistent with my fanfic due to work, and starting college soon and everything. I plan to bring my laptop to work from now on and when it's slow/on break I'll try to get stuff done. I don't want to rush and make the ending terrible, but I'm going to put more time into it and finally try to finish it for you guys. I don't want to make it any shorter than originally planned because then I'd be cheating you guys and this story. Which means I hope you'll all bear with me until I can get to the end. Thanks for your continued support. And now, the chapter:

**Chapter 10: Do It Now or Forever Wish You Had**

At the height of his confusion, Harry decided to return to Gryffindor tower to try to sleep away his problems. He walked in and made his way up to his dorm unnoticed, but had a very unwelcoming welcoming committee.

The remaining two members of his trio lay on Ron's bed snogging their brains out. They were so deeply into it that they didn't realize Harry had entered until he gave a small cough and they immediately broke away, both a bright shade of red.

"Sorry mate" blushed Ron even deeper, "we didn't really expect anyone to be coming up here this early. Especially after 'Mione told me you had left to cool-down for a while."

Harry gave Hermione a slight glare because he was certain she had told her not to mention his Oliver problems to Ron. However, he became eased when Ron spoke again,

"So what's bothering you?"

"It's nothing Ron, just...just a homework assignment that was frustrating me. Snape gave me extra assignments again, as you know, and I was just so drained that I couldn't stay here and think about it any longer."

Harry was quite proud of himself for conjuring that lie quickly. It seemed pretty plausible, it'd be an understatement to say he wasn't very good with potions and would be flustered by double assignments.

"Ahh. That greasy git. I wish hexing teachers was allowed."

"Ronald!" Hermione had spoken for the first time since Harry's entrance and looked her normal shade again, with the exception of a hint of purple in her lips.

"What? I was just talking! I didn't actually plan to!"

Hermione simply sighed slightly, then began to speak again. "Ron, maybe you should go downstairs for a little so I can help Harry with that work." She gave a Harry a knowing look.

"Why don't you ever offer to help ME with assignment?!" scowled Ron, give his girlfriend a rather annoyed look.

"Because you haven't been given extra work in your least favourite subject! And I have too helped you with assignments, so stop complaining."

"Only because I practically begged you!"

"Hermione, it's alright, I'm really tired, I was just going to go to bed really." Harry spoke up, yawning a little.

"You really shouldn't put it off." She stared him down, hoping he'd get the hint about what she really wanted to discuss. "Ron, could you excuse us."

"Fine! But I want some extra snogging sessions this week!" With that, Ron took his leave, and Hermione patted the bed to indicate Harry should sit down.

"Really, I'm glad you want to help, but I do need sleep."

"Harry we're not doing this again! Just come here, you don't have to talk, but I will."

Harry gave in because he saw no point in having another pointless argument that would only lead to hurting them both. Besides, he had promised Hermione that never again would a boy get in the way of their friendship, and that's exactly what this was.

"Now, I know everything that happened and -"

"Wait, how is that possible. Did you talk to Oliver?!" Harry was a little uneasy with this latest bit of information and looked at Hermione hoping to hear anything other than that.

"No." Harry let out a relieved sigh. The less communication everyone had with that boy was the better in his mind. "I just performed a charm to reinact the last action that went on in this room before I entered."

Hermione smiled, because she clearly wanted to make it known that she had just performed a very complicated bit of magic. After a few moments of her waiting for praise that didn't come, she continued on.

"And I'm still trying to figure out exactly why you would react the way you did..."

Harry looked at Hermione with a dropped jaw. Was she really insinuating that what he did was the wrong thing, that he should've just given in.

After taking a minute to find speech, Harry spoke, simply, but put his point across. "Are you serious?"

"Quite. You've wanted this for how long now Harry? Years. And you simply threw away your chance - "

"I didn't throw it away, he did!" Harry's temper was rising a bit more now, his emotions were so tangible to the surface these days that it didn't take much to change at a moments notice.

"He shouldn't have hurt me, said what he did." continued Harry, practically yelling. "How can you expect me to just forget that and go on with it. I figured you of all people would side with me here and try to understand."

"I did try. I sat in here for a while trying to think how it would look from both perspectives. Of course I was prematurely stopped by...well...you saw what." Her cheeks tinted yet again.

"But I've tried to think up the best possible solution for your own emotional health, and I think you've made a big mistake. You're sticking too much with your stubbornness and pride that you failed to realize what could be for the better. You acted in a very Slytherin way."

Those words hit Harry like a bludger to the head. His image as the Gryffindoriest Gryffindor was something he had held high, and to be compared to Slytherins was not something he took to with ease.

"But should I really just give in, and let him play with my emotions like that? Don't you think I'd be really shallow to just accept it that easily"

"Yes and no. Harry think of it this way. If you don't do this, you'll have that voice in the back of your head nagging at you, wondering what could have been. Regret is a raging dementor."

Harry took these words to heart too. Was he really just being a bit too stubborn for his own good? Hermione had never tried to steer him in the wrong direction before and he was too confused by the situation to think properly about it. Maybe she was right, and he knew the regretful feeling and didn't want to experience it again, especially after the last affect it had on him.

Looking down at his arm and rubbing it through his robes, he thought that it was possibly the only thing he could do know. He needed to embrace the opportunity he was being given and hope that it wasn't just a ploy to mess with him because if it was, Oliver better be ready for a whole lot of ugly.

"You're right. I have to do this. There's no turning it away now."

**A/N: **Sorry this chapter wasn't all that exciting by far. But I think you'll all agree that it's quite necessary to get to the good stuff. I'd really appreciate some reviews and will start work on the next chapter during my work break today.


	11. Unaware

**Title: **What is this Feeling?  
**Rated:** R for situations/language  
**Summary: **Harry loves Oliver. But how does Oliver feel about Harry? Will they ever end up together, or will Harry stay miserable forever? Warning: There is some DubCon in this chapter.  
**Pairing: **HP/OW  
**Disclaimer: **If you haven't gotten the hint by now you really don't deserve to read this.  
**A/N: **I just revived this account while visiting a friend and read my own story and realized I'd be pissed off if I left it where I did, so I decided to write another chapter…almost four years later. I don't remember what my original purpose for the story was, but that'll make it more exciting! This chapter is sort of filler material, but it's to get me back into the feel of writing. It's something anyway!

**Chapter 11: Unaware**

Blinking in quick succession, the Gryffindor quidditch captain awoke to the colours of Hufflepuff in his blurred vision. The memories of the night prior returned to him and with it a sense of bliss, disappointment, confusion and emptiness.

His thoughts began to jumble each other as he couldn't successfully complete one without starting another.

_Did last night really - How did this all happen so - What about Harry and - Am I really interested in - Why is this all so - GUH!_

Cedric was still sleeping at his side. He decided to save them both, or at least himself, an awkward morning and start to get dressed and hopefully get out before he could wake up.

Moving at the fastest speed he could while making practically no sound, he readied himself and succeeded in waking no one.

He descended the stairs and exited the common room down to the Great Hall to begin a new day, pretending everything was normal, and hopefully approaching Harry to set things right.

Harry was sitting with Ron and Hermione at the Gryffindor table discussing their plans for the Christmas holidays when Harry got sight of what he'd been dreading, Oliver. He definitely wasn't ready to do this, especially after all the emotional turmoil that had occurred over the last few days.

Hermione noticed Harry's tensed expressions and change in breathing and looked down at the approaching figure, looming ever closer. She grabbed Harry's hands and whispered in his ear "Everything will be alright"

Ron looked over at the unusual sight, and looked like he was about to question it. Hermione, being the cleverest witch of their generation, anticipated this and quickly changed the subject to an upcoming Potions examination. Harry looked relieved at how narrowly he avoided the need to divulge his love life to Ron.

Harry's heart sank when Oliver walked right passed him without even a glance in his direction. He walked forward and sat down beside Katie Bell and began a conversation with her. Harry excused himself and left the table, downtrodden and defeated.

He decided that not seeing Oliver for the rest of the day was the best solution he had, because he could not face the looming depression that would ensue just looking at him and realizing everything he had lost. This caused him to walk toward the grounds rather than the tower as he normally would.

Harry wasn't exactly sure where he was headed; his feet were just walking while his mind was cluttered with thoughts.

_Will I ever be able to face Oliver again without feeling disgraced and ashamed?_

_I wonder if there's a way to avoid Gryffindor Tower so I don't have to relive these moments of defeat._

Harry wasn't used to feeling less than adequate for anything since coming to Hogwarts with the exception of Potions anyway. Harry never fretted over that though since everyone knew that Professor Snape was not particularly interested in Harry's academic success in his class. Hogwarts was his first sense of a home, a family that cared about him, and that was important to him. Feeling like this at the castle was unprecedented and, for the first time, Harry did not enjoy being at the castle.

Perhaps this was why Harry's unconscious mind led him to the Forbidden Forest. Every year, Harry found himself in there and it was never quite a pleasant experience. For some reason, that was where he needed to be. He needed to be reminded that there were situations far worse than being rejected. After all, that's how he spent the first eleven years of his life.

The layout of the Forbidden Forest wasn't exactly second nature to Harry and unfortunately the Marauder's Map didn't do much for him outside of the castle. Walking along, he found a patch of mostly cleared out wood with some mossy rocks. Although not ideal, it was quiet and secluded in the middle of a potentially dangerous place. It seemed like a good place to be.

Harry sat and let the world escape him for a little while. He closed his eyes and breathed in the nature surrounding him. It was calming and soothing; two things Harry needed in his life right now. All of the drama that had gone down recently was just an incredible load to handle, even for someone who had lost his parents, spent years living under stairs and been told he was a famous wizard, all before puberty.

"Well, well – isn't this quite the situation. _Incarcerous_"

Harry's eyes whipped open from the deep sleep he has fallen into as ropes bound his body to a rock, making him completely immobilized from head to toe. He looked around, but it had become the late night since he arrived and there was no one in sight.

"Potter, we meet again. Only this time, you're all alone. No heroics, no friends to save you. What ever will you do?"

Harry would always recognize that voice, but the mysterious person came into the little moonlight to be seen in the clearing. Draco Malfoy was standing in front of Harry with the smug look he wore ever-so-frequently.

"Malfoy! What are you doing here?" scowled Harry, grateful that he at least had speech, if nothing else. He refused to let himself seem scared of the foul little cockroach of a man standing in front of him.

"What business of yours is it, Potter? I have a mission to take care of. I get the pleasure of torturing you in the process. This may be my favourite night at Hogwarts so far." Malfoy sneered, and pulled out his wand, asserting his dominance over the bound Gryffindor.

"You ass, what do you want you scumbag?" Harry struggled to loosen the ropes tying him together, wiggle about.

"Well, that could be answered in a variety of ways. I want a world free of Mudbloods. I want a rocket ship (**A/N: **Yes, Pigfarts reference. Felt necessary). And I want to have my way with you."

Harry was at a loss for words. This was something he never imagined he'd hear come from the blonde Slytherin in front of him who hated his guts from day one.

"Scared, Potter?" Malfoy snickered, thinking of the moment in Lockhart's dueling club when these words were exchanged. This time, it seemed a lot more appropriate.

Harry wanted to be able to say 'you wish' as he had the last time Malfoy uttered these words. But he would be lying. He was playing heroic but his heart rate had definitely increased. He was bound and Malfoy wanted him. There seemed to be no way to escape this situation…

Harry spoke for the first time since Malfoy declared his evil plan. "Malfoy, why now? You have hated me for four years. You have never shown interest in me. Why take advantage of me now?"

Malfoy laughed as the boy tried to reason. "First Potter, I haven't shown interest because you never tell a boy you like him, it makes you look like an idiot. The whole 'hero' thing turns me on. And second, have my way? No, you will want this after I tell you all about your loverboy."

Harry was slightly taken aback by these words, but he had to stay strong for now to make sure Malfoy knew he wasn't giving in. "I will NEVER want to be with you Malfoy. There's no point in trying."

"Perhaps the Imperius curse could change your mind." Malfoy winked at Harry, and a chill went down Harry's spine.

"That would be a new level of low, even for you Malfoy." Harry wanted to say that would be a new level of double rape, but the concept of even using the word rape right now petrified him, because it made the situation too possible, too real.

"Well, then perhaps you should just hear what I have to say about Oliver…" Malfoy trailed off and watched as Harry shot an annoyed glance in Malfoy's direction. He had clearly hit a nerve.

"Ahh, so you do love him. I can see it in your scared eyes. Well, then you should know about his exploits with a certain ex-lover of mine, Cedric Diggory"

"YOU'RE LYING!" Harry shouted, as soon as Malfoy placed a name to the deed. Oliver had been so uncomfortable with even the concept of being gay. There is no way he would have gone and jumped into bed with any guy at this stage. Harry had to try to rationalize the situation or he would never survive the trickery Malfoy had up his sleeve.

"If only I was. See, I am still fascinated by the idea of being with Cedric but a Slytherin with a Hufflepuff just doesn't look good, so I ended it. However, we're still on good terms and you know Cedric. He will gossip about everything."

Harry was beginning to get a little worried because he knew all of this was true, but he couldn't let it show in his face. Instead, he just laid there, succumbing to the fact that there was nothing he could do but listen and wait. It killed him a little on the inside.

Draco continued his story, "Well, at breakfast this morning Cedric came over because he needed to talk. He was blabbing on about feeling rejected but not really explaining. But then, and this is where you come in, he noticed Oliver walk in and go right passed you with no regard for you and then you stormed out. He got emotional and spilled all the details. Long story short, Oliver stuck it in Cedric last night and it was passionate and hot."

Harry lost his composure at this. He knew Draco was just trying to get to him, but he believed it. Oliver seemed interested in fixing things earlier and then just blew him off. This seemed like a valid reason why. Plus, it was common knowledge that Cedric and Oliver are close. Harry's body language loosened in defeat.

Draco prodded more at Potter's self esteem by dragging it on. He could see he was getting to him. "You know Potter, I wouldn't be surprised if they started dating. Cedric has told me that Oliver was the one person he wished was gay because he'd be all over that. Now that it's possible, I can't imagine Cedric will let him slip away."

'Just stop!" Harry yelled at Malfoy. Draco had won. Harry believed him. "Just, take my wand and have your way. Just, unbind me." Harry was about to lose his virginity to someone he wasn't even interested in, he at least wanted to be able to look back and pretend it was enjoyable.

"How do I know you won't run away on me then, Potter? Make the Unbreakable Vow." Draco always needed to feel like he held all the cards. Being a Slytherin, it made sense that he would do so in a sly way and he had a trick up his sleeve.

"I don't even care. Do it." Harry's sense of defeat had overwhelmed him. There was no winning here. He lost Oliver and he couldn't beat Malfoy here. It was better to be unrestrained and magically bound than not have any freedom.

Draco cut the ropes binding Harry's arm and placed their hands together and placed his wand between them. He spoke the terms "Will you have sex with me, according to my desires, as long as you are free from restraint?"

Harry replied "Sure."

Draco pulled the wand away, cut off the remainder of Harry's restraints and started to unzip the boys pants, knowing that he had just abused the apathy of the Boy-Who-Lived into making the biggest mistake of his life.


End file.
